Interview with Melisa Gonzalez, November 21, 2017

Melisa Gonzalez, Interview Transcript, November 21, 2017

Goeppner: There we go! I'm not sure what I can and cannot cut out of this, so there might be- this might be a very unprofessional, blooper-filled interview.

Gonzalez: That's totally fine.

Goeppner: So, can you describe your position right now?

Gonzalez: I am the Youth Minister Coordinator so I plan retreats, I plan events (bible study), I'm in charge of religious education classes, just anything really to do with Youth Ministering.

Goeppner: And so, you were a member of ChrisTeen when you were my age, did you feel drawn to this position when you were in ChrisTeen, or did it sort of just pop up?

Gonzalez: It sort of popped up. I knew I wanted to work with kids, but I was looking more towards the YMCA and like working there, and then it was just basically like God was calling me to this position. It was like two weeks before I graduated- Greg, the old Youth Minister called me up and was like, 'Hey, I'm leaving, would you be interested in taking this position?' and I was like, 'Yeah, sure, I would love to'. And so, I had actually applied for a position at St. Katherine's to see if I wanted to do that, and I didn't really want to, but I was like, 'It's a job, like, I'll just apply', but as soon as I was offered this job I was like, 'Yes, I want to do this'.

Goeppner: And just in my four or five years in ChrisTeen we had Breon, and then Erin, and then Greg, and then you. Was it difficult coming in after that turnover?

Gonzalez: A little bit because Joyce was just like, 'Hey, you need to stay like at least five years' and so I was like, 'Oh my gosh, that's a lot of pressure'.

Goeppner: A big commitment.

Gonzalez: Yeah. But now that I'm in the job and I'm working, like, I've been here for a year and a half, I'm like, 'Okay, I can see myself here for more than five years'.

Goeppner: Oh! And Julia as well! She probably won't see this, and she won't be really offended. I love you Julia!

Gonzalez: But yeah so, there was a huge turnover rate when I was in ChrisTeen too, but I didn't like really think about it as much.

Goeppner: So did you have experiences now that you've been here that helped you realize your leadership potential?

Gonzalez: Just like planning Mission Trips, going on Mission Trips, and all the adults looking towards me and being like, 'Hey, what do we do?' Like, 'Oh, what do we do for this?' Or like, 'Oh, this kid needs to go to the hospital, what do we do?' So then I'd be like, 'Ok, like, I have to put my big-girl panties on and actually be in charge of people and like lead them to something good. I can't just be like, 'Oh, sorry, I don't know what to do' and then just be like, 'You figure it out', because that's not really leadership. It was definitely a shift from being like, 'Okay, well I'll follow what you do' to being like, 'Okay, this is what we're doing, this is what we're doing now, and this is what we're doing'.

Goeppner: You mentioned possibly working with the YMCA. When you were younger, did you always plan on working in this general field?

Gonzalez: It was just something that I had always been involved in, like I went on mission trips with the YMCA and with church. So it was like, 'Okay,' well I knew I wanted to work with kids and I liked that capacity of like maybe organizing events for them to go on mission trips and stuff. So, I was looking more towards that and, I- I don't know- I just figured that would have been, like, the easiest way to go.

Goeppner: Yeah, definitely. Were there any experiences in your life outside of ChrisTeen, or outside of this job that shaped who you are as a leader?

Gonzalez: Like I said with the YMCA- that definitely did. I was also in band, and I was like the woodwind captain, and so I was the section leader for our saxophones, so that also helped. And I was a Peer Minister, so I was like a leader of the church. I mean, I was going to say I was in soccer, but I wasn't really a captain for that. Just, yeah, that's it.

Goeppner: So, what's it like, because there's a big stratification system in ChrisTeen with- you know- SLC, and then the individual leaders of the different groups like Evangelization and stuff like that. What's it like being in charge of that whole system?

Gonzalez: It's a little complicated because, like, everybody wants to do their own thing, but at the same time, it all has to come together. So, I basically have to just make sure that everybody is on top of- like, we have to basically plan what we're going to do before each meeting, and make sure that we're doing what we need to do in order to make everything else run smoothly. Like all the events, or just, like advertising, or prayer services. So that way we can be on top of it, instead of being like, 'Oh, well we forgot to do that', or 'Oh, we forgot to do this'. It's more like being ahead of time. I don't know if that answers your question.

Goeppner: No, definitely. What do you think has been the most difficult aspect of this job?

Gonzalez: The parents. Parents can be a little hard, they want the best for their kids, but at the same time that may not be the easiest thing for, like, what we're doing. Like, there are a lot of rules that I have to follow, and they may not see that I need to follow those rules, and so they'll be like, 'Well, you can just let me do this', and I'll be like, 'Well, no I can't really do that'. Or, just like, 'Oh, well like, you're on your way home from NCYC, why don't I just meet you somewhere and pick my kid up on the way up to our vacation'. And I'm like, 'Okay, well, we're only stopping twice, so you better meet us somewhere'. Or like, you may say something, like, a tiny bit wrong, and then they'll come attack you and be like, 'This is your fault, what are you doing to my kid, why are you yelling at them?' So, that's a little hard.

Goeppner: From my experience, especially with meetings before NCYC- which, to clarify, is the National Catholic Youth Conference- I'm bad at this. The meetings, Greg was the one in charge when I was preparing to go on that, but we would have meetings in this room, and it would be like a panel of parents and it was like- do you watch Parks and Rec?

Gonzalez: Yeah.

Goeppner: It was like at the public forums when people ask the most ridiculous questions, that it was like, you could have asked those on your own time or like, one parent actually asked- their kid had a salmon allergy. I was like, 'Do you think they're going to be serving salmon? It's a conference- maybe Chick Fil' A, at best'. You know, it's just kind of funny. But, you know, obviously they care about their kids.

Gonzalez: No, I get that a lot. And, just- it's very hard. And then like also, recently it's been hard because less kids are participating, and so my leaders that- like my adult leaders that have been here for so long- they're all like, 'Well, we did this last time'. Like, 'Oh, well, we've been doing this for ten years, why isn't this working?' And I'm like, 'Well our program is shifting, so we need to shift with it- we can't just stay still'. And they'll be like, 'Well, we haven't done an event all year', and I'm like, 'No, we have done events, but you haven't been to them. So, it's just like trying to make sure that we can actually do what we can and not be like overexerting ourselves, because we don't have very many participants, and kind of just like have to go with that ebb and flow of the program.

Goeppner: So, my dad was also really involved in Peer Ministry when he was younger and when I was younger, and he has noticed that there is definitely- like you said- an ebb and flow as far as participation goes. Like, I think my grade was really involved, and then, definitely in our time in ChrisTeen it was at one of its high points. And now- I'm not sure- but it might be at a bit of a low point as far as participation goes. Have you noticed just in your time here, or in your time also as a member of ChrisTeen, that same- the strange ratio of--?

Gonzalez: Yeah, so when I was in High School we had probably like over one hundred and fifty people in Peer Ministry. So I was very involved, my group of friends did everything, we were just like the group, you know? And coming here and only being here for a year and a half, like, I've seen it change so much. Just because like your class was very involved, you guys came in, did everything, and now with this senior and junior class, they don't really do as much. We have like three people come to events. And so it's been a little frustrating, but we're trying to figure out what is working. Like, we're doing a Bible Study now, and that seems to really be grabbing people's attention. Whereas, like, the Corn Maze is more of like a Junior High event than a High School one.

Goeppner: I loved the Corn Maze in High School!

Gonzalez: I know! I don't know what's going on, but we only had like three high schoolers show up that. But, I have to keep reminding myself, like, this is just the way that it goes. Like, it's just a trend.

Goeppner: The natural order of things.

Gonzalez: Right.

Goeppner: Have you noticed any- the current middle schoolers in ChrisTeen, or like, the freshmen and sophomores- have you noticed them being more involved?

Gonzalez: The 8th grade class is like, really good. They're basically everybody that went to the corn maze, and like they do Trunk Or Treat, and so I'm really excited for them to come up and move up. And then, like, the junior class is like, I think, getting there, like, they're starting to form their own group of friends, and I think that's really important for, like, ChrisTeen to work- or just Peer Ministry in general to work- is that if you have a community of friends here then you're more willing to like hang out here and like do more events. But then like I've seen the 10th grade class as well, like, they all became really good friends on the 9th Grade Retreat, and so now they're doing retreats and they're facilitating retreats. So hopefully they're- I'm like, trying to bring them in- I'm like, 'come on'!

Goeppner: And I think the Antioch Retreat is a fantastic advertisement tool as well. I think that there's definitely an uptick of involvement with 10th graders after that happens. So, when you first came into ChrisTeen, your first big event was the mission trip to Cincinnati in the summer of 2016. I was there with you, do you want to just comment about your experience with that and what that was like? It was definitely driving headfirst into ChrisTeen.

Gonzalez: Yeah, it was basically like baptism by fire, that's what everybody tells me. It was really rough, just because I didn't know any of the kids, didn't know any of the parents, barely knew the adults that were chaperoning, and I was just like really overwhelmed with what I needed to bring, and like, medical form was, and what needed to be brought for Catholic Heart, like, to be able to be able to participate. So, it was fine until we got there. The trip was fine, but then once we had like one kid that just had so bad anxiety, that wanted to go home- kept wanting to go home and just like having panic attacks every two to three hours and having to talk him down for like thirty minutes. Basically missing all of the programs. And then, while that was happening, we had a group of boys that were ranking girls based on their appearance and calling them by that number, but I didn't know that was happening because I was so focused on this one anxiety-ridden boy. And then, just like, talking with all the boys- not just like the group of boys- but all the boys and then misspeaking, calling them 'scum', but not really 'scum'. And then that was the only thing they could remember and then, just like having problems on my worksite as well, like losing kids because it was so big. And then just- on Friday- with the shoplifting and having to deal with parents after that was just very, very hard.

Goeppner: Absolutely. It was one of those things where like- it was the most hectic mission trip that I had ever been on, but it was by no fault of yours. It was purely just the kids for some reason.

Gonzalez: And I think it was just because I didn't know them and so they were like, 'I can get away with it'. Because at one point-

Goeppner: Like the substitute teacher complex.

Gonzalez: Yeah, exactly. And we had one kid that just didn't want to be in program, and he disappeared. And we were looking for him, and the staffers were trying to help us and they were like, 'well, what does he look like?' And I was like, 'I don't even know! I don't know what he looks like!' And so I had pull up a group picture, and there was one kid that was next to me and I was like, 'what does he look like' and they were like, 'that's him!' I was like, 'oh my gosh!' So, it was just very hard because I was like, 'I don't know any of the kids'. But now that I do I it's way easier.

Goeppner: I definitely agree with your 'baptism by fire' thing, that definitely seemed like that was what it was.

Gonzalez: And we had eighty-five people go, so that was the hardest part was just like trying to keep track of everybody. And there were people that I didn't know.

Goeppner: Was that the year with all the injuries as well? Or was that a different year?

Gonzalez: That was, I think, the year before. I just had one kid go to the hospital for poison ivy.

Goeppner: Okay. I was wondering- it would have added to that if that was the year like, Karen fell into the septic tank! Oh my gosh, that's still--. It really shouldn't be funny and I feel so- but now it can be funny.

Gonzalez: I know- she laughs at it, so, we can laugh at it.

Goeppner: I'm not going to lie, I was laughing about it then and there as well! But she walked into the room after coming back from the hospital, and everyone just kind of like, went stone-faced. We had been laughing about it just before, and it was like, 'oh, I feel so bad!' Because it's such an awful thing to have happen, but it's also hilarious. So, you just recently came back from going to the National Catholic Youth Conference. What was your experience there, now a year and a half into your job?

Gonzalez: It was actually a really cool experience. I don't do well with crowds, but with 25,000 people it was actually really cool to see so many people be so open to their faith and so receptive to it. So it went really well, like we didn't have any problems- just one girl getting really dehydrated.

Goeppner: Was it my sister?

Gonzalez: No- she started crying, though, and I was like, 'Anna, what's wrong', and she was like, 'I'm just so tired!'

Goeppner: Oh, yeah. She had this major research paper due on Friday, but you left Friday, so she had to get it done Wednesday. And I've had that same class, and the same paper, and I was like, 'Oh, I feel for you'.

Gonzalez: It was like in the morning on Friday I think, and I look over and there are just tears falling down. And I was like- I came over and I was like, 'Anna are you okay?' And she was like, 'Yeah, I'm just really tired and I'm really overwhelmed'. And I was like, 'it's okay, just enjoy it. Try taking a nap'.

Goeppner: Which says a lot for her because she is like the Energizer Bunny of us- I mean, always doing more. I am the person to get overwhelmed with stuff, whereas she--.

Gonzalez: And then I think it's pretty cool because I know all of the kids that- like now I know all the kids. And I'm pretty good- I have a pretty good relationship with most of them. So if I say something, they usually are like, 'okay, I'll do that', or, 'Okay, Melissa told me to do this'. So, it's a lot easier now than before where I could say something and they're like, 'I don't know you'.

Goeppner: Yeah, you built the relationship where now if you tell someone to do something, they know that it's for their own good, and not because you're trying to impose some rule or something. So, did you go to the National Catholic Youth Conference when you were in High School, or was this your first time?

Gonzalez: This was my first time, so it was really cool. I wish I had gone as a teen, because I think I would have gotten more out of it, but it was still a really cool experience.

Goeppner: Yeah, definitely. So, in ChrisTeen, notoriously things tend to go wrong, but also it leads to a lot of hilarity. Have there been any funny moments in your time?

Gonzalez: Not off the top of my head. I'm trying to think what has happened- I'm kind of dead still from NCYC.

Goeppner: Oh, yeah, totally! Yeah, my sister has school today.

Gonzalez: Yeah, she told me, yesterday and today. I was like, 'I'm so sorry!'

Goeppner: I know. I remember coming back, and everyone had break all week, and I also had school the next couple of days and begging my mom to let me stay home. And she's like, 'No! You're going to do this!'

Gonzalez: Okay, wait- so, anything funny that happened?

Goeppner: I mean, obviously septic tank is a classic.

Gonzalez: Yeah, but that didn't happen in my time. I'm trying to think--. Not really funny, but - I don't know if this will be one of your other questions- but it's been really cool to see the kids grow. Like, for Antioch- you went on November, right?

Goeppner: Yeah!

Gonzalez: So that was really cool, because that was when I really felt like I got to know you guys a little bit better. I wrote everybody letters for their affirmation bags and stuff, and as I was getting kids to confession everybody just started coming up to me crying and they were like, 'I read your letter, thank you so much!' And then, Jordan Dunn came up to me and he was like, 'Here, I wrote you a letter', and I almost started crying because it was like, 'thank you so much for guiding me, and leading me to be a better person, and I respect you, and how young you are, and how close to your faith you are, I just aspire to be like that'.

Goeppner: You've just exposed him as a caring person! He would be so upset right now!

Gonzalez: I know, I was like, 'what happened to you?' And he was like, 'thanks for all you do', and I was like, 'oh my gosh- stop!'

Goeppner: I feel like the majority of hilarity comes on those retreats, when we're all just so deliriously tired. I remember facilitating Antioch last year, and around midnight waiting for confession when we all had to be super silent, we all just started crying because we were laughing so hard and the more we couldn't laugh about it the funnier it became. And I feel like having that positive working environment is part of what makes ChrisTeen go so well, is that we all want to be there, we're all with our friends, and funny stuff happens so we're able to keep a positive mindset.

Gonzalez: You can be yourself and nobody really cares who you are, and that's just fun. Being yourself is fun, and being around other people that don't care about the 'fake you' is cool.

Goeppner: Especially cool because- for me at least- I don't have anyone from my high school that was also in ChrisTeen because it's about twenty-five minutes away. So, for me it was really fantastic being able to come here, and not have to care about whatever I was at school. I don't ever consider myself to be putting on a mask, but here it was like, if I was, anything about me at school doesn't have to be how I am here. And I think, same for my sister at a lot of my friends that I know. And just, the friends that you make, like people in ChrisTeen that are now college roommates! I think that's really important. Definitely one of the coolest things about ChrisTeen is that you not only get to work for your community and put on these amazing events, but you also make friends that can become roommate!

Gonzalez: Yeah, I'm still friends with my group of friends that were in high school. I didn't have 'high school friends', I had 'church high school friends', and so we all still keep in touch and we all hang out and stuff. We're a little crazy.

Goeppner: Has there been a really impactful moment during your time here? I know you mentioned watching everyone grow up and come into their own. Has there been any specific moments that you really felt like, 'oh, wow, this is where I'm supposed to be'.

Gonzalez: Yeah, definitely with Jordan and the letter that he gave me. There are just little snippets of things that kids will say in passing- like I don't think they really realize what they're saying, but after they say it I'm like, 'oh my god!' Like one time we were sitting in mass and it was just about to start, and Zach Hobby was sitting on a pew down below, and he was just like, 'Melissa!' It was during the hurricane, when the hurricane was happening, and he was like, 'Melissa, why are you here?' And I was like, 'because it's mass', and he was like, 'you have to go home, you have to be safe'. And I was like, 'why?' and he was like, 'we can't afford to lose you, you've affected too many people in your good life', and I was like, 'Okay!'

Goeppner: Did you leave or did you stay?

Gonzalez: No, I stayed! But I was like, 'oh my gosh!' And then, because he just said it so quickly and then mass started, it took me a while to process what he said, and I was like, 'that was really nice'. And then, another time was, my boyfriend broke up with me, and Robert and Kirsten brought me cookies and flowers, and they were like, 'we just want your heart to be happy'. And I was telling them about it on the way back from Notre Dame, we were on the bus, and after I told them that we had broken up they were like, 'do you need a hug? Here let me!' And so all of the kids that were on the bus started giving me hugs, and I was like, 'this is really nice! Like, I don't know what to do with this!' So there are a couple times. And then on NCYC there was on Saturday morning I guess, one of the speakers was like, 'stand up and close your eyes and if you are feeling the call to be servants and to serve others, lift up your hands and receive the call'. And I turn around and all our kids just had their hands up, and I almost starting crying, it still give me chills just thinking about. But I was like, 'this is so cool to see our kids so willing to be servants and to be God's people'.

Goeppner: Yeah, it's so fantastic just for me, just being one year ahead of them, seeing Zach, and Robert, and Frankie and everyone come into- seeing just through my sister and social media seeing them coming into this- I feel like I'm a proud parent even though I had nothing to do with this. Just being able to watch a little bit removed, being a year older, and seeing all that happen. It really warms my heart and I'm not even a leader in it. So, you are obviously a lot younger than many of the adult leaders in ChrisTeen. What was it like sort of making your mark? Did they immediately start respecting you as a leader or did it take a little while?

Gonzalez: It depended on who it was. It did take a while for them to actually start believing in what I was saying, just because a lot of the adults that are here now were there when I was a kid. And like, Lynn Hinchey, our chair, she was my soccer coach in middle school and I was best friends with her daughter, so I think that was one of the hardest ones to really get adjusted to. And it was weird for me, because I was like, 'Hey, Ms. Lynn, or Ms. Hinchey, and now it's like-'

Goeppner: Coach!

Gonzalez: Lynn! I can call you by your first name now, we're peers I guess. Which is really weird. It was a struggle to be like, 'No- I am in charge, I know what I'm doing, let me do my job. This is not your job, and I know you're a volunteer and I'm very appreciative of what you want to do but I have a plan, let me follow through with it'. But then there were other people like Donald that were like, 'I've got your back'. Like, I didn't really even know Donald. When I was in high school he was really involved with the middle school because of Matt, and so I didn't really know him, I knew of him. But as soon as I started he was like, 'I've got your back, let's go, let's do this'. It just really depended on- I don't want to say pride issues- but basically it was who could be like, 'okay I have a little girl that is basically in charge of me, and I just have to put my pride aside and let her take control'.

Goeppner: And ChrisTeen leaders have always been younger, and I think the majority of adults on SLC and in other leadership positions in ChrisTeen realize that the leaders need to be young- or at least connected to the youth- or else we won't respect them. Which is awful to say, but teenagers- you know.

Gonzalez: And I feel like respecting has to do with- respect goes both ways. Like, if I respect the kids then they'll respect me.

Goeppner: And if you understand them, which is something that age is a big factor in.

Gonzalez: Right, because I know that Jordan came up to me, and he was facilitating a retreat that Julia was running, and he was just like, 'I can't respect her, like, I can't say nice things to her, I just don't respect her and she's so mean'. He's like, 'you- you tiny little thing- I can respect you because you're a leader, you're a person that I can trust, whereas Julia I can't respect'. And so I was like, 'okay, if you have anything that you want to say mean to her, come say it to me so that way you don't hurt her feelings'. And then she was upset because he had said mean things to her, and I was just like, 'respect goes both ways. If you're going to be mean to him, then he's going to be mean back to you. So if you can't take that, don't dish it out.'

Goeppner: Yep. So, part of that is all of us pretty much know each other from outside of ChrisTeen as well, even with me not having people in my school, there are people in ChrisTeen that I had friends who were friends with, and if those friends had a falling out with my ChrisTeen friends, then that effected me. Have you had problems with kids having problems outside of ChrisTeen and bringing them into ChrisTeen?

Gonzalez: A little bit. Every once in a while someone will be like, 'ugh, she was so mean to me'.

Goeppner: In first period, and now we're here.

Gonzalez: And I'd be like, 'okay, well, you're talking about her now, so how does that make you any better?' Or she'll be like, 'someone was talking about me and they were just being really mean to me and she's just a brat', and I'm like, 'okay, well, what are you doing right now, like, you're doing the exact same thing. You guys are best friends, just stop being dumb and talk to each other. Communicate- communication is key'. But it's usually just little drama stuff that teenagers, like, they think it's the end of the world, but it's just like, talk it out.

Goeppner: And because we're all so close and we see each other so often, relationships form and break apart in two weeks and that can sort of impact work. Do people often come to you with relationship problems, or are you more of- is there more of a professional boundary between there?

Gonzalez: I don't think I'm quite there yet with the kids. I did have- it was really weird- one girl texted me in the middle- not in the middle of the night- but it was kind of late, and she was just like, 'can I ask you for some advice?' And I was just like, 'oh, wow, I don't think I'm ready for this- like I'm not qualified!'

Goeppner: Get out your parenting manual like, 'sure, sure!'

Gonzalez: 'I am not a minister of youths! Oh wait, I am!' So I was like, 'okay', and it was just basically asking- she said they had gotten in an argument and she didn't know what to do. She said that they had made up and said that they forgave each other but she didn't actually forgive him or her- I don't even know who it was. And she was just like, 'I just haven't forgiven them in my heart', and I was like, 'okay, well maybe you should talk about it with them. If you haven't forgiving them there's obviously something that's still bothering you'. But every time I tell somebody advice I'm like, 'I don't know if that actually helped you. Hopefully it did'. It depends on who it is, like if they're really open with me or just like open in general then they'll come to me and ask me for advice, but most of the time it's- not really, not yet.

Goeppner: So, moving on to some more big-picture questions, starting with: You're a little over a year and a half in now, obviously other than building a relationship and getting more of your footing in your job, have you noticed anything else change in the program in a year and a half? Or has it been mostly the same?

Gonzalez: It has changed just because participation is lower so we're just trying to figure out what's working with the kids or like what the kids want more than what we've been doing and what has worked in the past. So, like class- like religious education- we're trying to figure out how to make that better because the 12th grade class isn't really anything the kids like but the teachers don't really want to change it. So we're trying to figure out what to do with that. We're trying to get the kids to come more to Bible Study and making it a safer space for them to share and share about their faith. And just trying to get more kids involved in making church a priority, which doesn't really seem to be what's happening now.

Goeppner: So, you are obviously in charge of ChrisTeen- is there anyone that you report to in the church?

Gonzalez: So, technically Father Fernando is my boss, but I really report to Joyce, who is the Director of Religious Education and Youth Ministry. So I usually go to her and be like, 'hey, is there anything that I need to do', or like 'hey, this happened, what do I need to do about this?' And if I really, really need to get approval then I'll go to Father Fernando.

Goeppner: So, is it difficult to balance- because obviously from my standing in the organization- is it difficult balancing being the leader with still having to go to someone else for approval?

Gonzalez: Not really, I actually feel a little bit more comfortable.

Goeppner: Like a safety net?

Gonzalez: Yeah! Just because I'm not very experienced- I'm very young, I'm twenty-three, I'm fresh out of college, haven't really had any work experience, like this is my first job out of college- so I'm not really like confident with a lot of the stuff that I do. Like there's stuff that I know how to do, and there's stuff that I don't know how to do, so I just want to make sure that I am answering it correctly and just doing things correctly and following the rules and making sure that it's the best that I can be.

Goeppner: You mentioned earlier the fear of commitment to a job for five years, is it also nice to have that job security?

Gonzalez: I think it is, especially now that I really like the job.

Goeppner: Yeah, I can see why that would be scary.

Gonzalez: Like, I mean I don't really get paid much, but it's worth it in the end. Working with kids, seeing how much they grow.

Goeppner: Major 360 to some big-picture questions: what does leadership mean to you?

Gonzalez: Just being willing to-not like boss people around- but be on their level and giving input and being like, 'hey, we should do this together, work together to get to a goal'. And just through actions being able to show the good that you can do.

Goeppner: Is there anyone that has been an influence to you as a leader, and just as a person in general?

Gonzalez: I think Karen Paonessa really has. Just in the time that I've been here I've gotten to know her really well, and we're best friends now, which is funny because she is more than half my age. But just the way that she lives her life and the way that she is so devoted to Christ is just a great role model that I wish I could be. I feel like being a leader- God was, Jesus was a leader- so if we follow Him, our actions can be leadership actions as well.

Goeppner: So, your leadership style overall, how would you characterize it? I mean, obviously it's not like a dictatorship, where you're like, 'do this!' How much do you consider it to be a democracy of sorts, with taking input from the people in ChrisTeen below you, and Joyce and Father Fernando?

Gonzalez: I do like to take in consideration of the teens, just to see what they want to do because, basically, we're doing everything for them. And if we're not doing what they want to do, then what's the point. And so I take into account what they have to say, but it could be on a scale of, 'oh, yes, I'm really going to take into account what you really, really want', or like, 'okay, you said that, but do you really want that?' Or a lot of the time Joyce will tell me something to do and I'll be like, 'okay, I'll do that'. She's more of like a 'dictator', I guess.

Goeppner: Well, she'll never see this.

Gonzalez: She'll tell me what to do and I'll be like, 'okay, I'll do that'. But I try to not make it a dictatorship, but I'm not really laissez-faire either. I'm pretty in the middle, like, I know what things need to get done and what needs to happen and when the rules need to be followed, but I'm also pretty chill about being like, 'okay, well, you don't want to go to sleep- that's fine. You can stay up all night'.

Goeppner: Make your bed. So- this is turning into a job interview, I feel like- but what do you consider to be your professional strengths in this job?

Gonzalez: I feel like I'm able to connect with the kids really well on a personal level, to understand what they want and to help them get through everything. I'm pretty organized, which I think really helps, especially with like mission trips and NCYC- going on long trips, making sure all the paperwork is in order and everything is in order. And then I feel like I communicate really well, mostly through email, just being like, 'hey, don't forget we have a meeting on Tuesday', or, 'hey, we're doing this, make sure you're here'. Just so that way everybody knows what's happening.

Goeppner: Do you think you have any weaknesses in this job? Or anything that's proven more difficult than you originally expected?

Gonzalez: I'm really bad a confrontation, which is a really big problem because I have to confront a lot of people. And I don't like calling people, which I also have to do a lot, just because I'm not used to talking on the phone. So if I have to talk to somebody I usually have to psyche myself up and be like, 'okay, we're doing this'. And if anybody else is in my office then I can't do it because I feel like they're judging me. But confrontation I really cannot do. It's very hard, especially if something happened like a kid does something wrong, I have to be like, 'did you do this?' Or if a parent is not paying their dues to be like, 'give me your money'. So those are probably the two biggest things I would say.

Goeppner: Do you feel like during your time at ChrisTeen you've gotten better at those things, or at least become more confident?

Gonzalez: At least phone calls I'm better. I'm still working on confrontation because it doesn't happen as often as phone calls do.

Goeppner: Confrontational phone calls!

Gonzalez: So, I'm definitely learning, it has definitely been helping me, but I'm not good at it I would say.

Goeppner: What did you major in in college?

Gonzalez: I did Human Development and Family Science at UGA.

Goeppner: Okay, so pretty related to this job.

Gonzalez: It's kind of cool because I still use what I learned in college for what I'm doing now, and I can be like, 'Okay, well, developmentally this doesn't work for kids because they're not at that stage yet'.

Goeppner: So, in ChrisTeen, one of the biggest things is putting on events and implementing your ideas into actions. What's that like with the chain of command? Is there a process you have to go through in order to take an idea that you have an actually implement it?

Gonzalez: If a kid comes up to me with an idea then I'll be like, 'okay, let me look and see if the calendar is fine', and then I'll go Joyce and be like, 'hey, we're doing this'. And if I have an idea I'd be like, 'hey, I really want to do this', and usually I'd come with her with a plan telling her when I want to do it, what will happen--. Hold on.

Goeppner: Hold on one second, someone is at the door, and she is exercising excellent leadership and letting them in. That was just an example of your leadership!

Gonzalez: Yes! I open doors for people!

Goeppner: Literally and metaphorically! I open doors!

Gonzalez: What was the question?

Goeppner: Chain of command as far as implement ideas.

Gonzalez: Usually I come to Joyce with a plan, and once she approves of it, then I'll be like, 'okay, let's start working on it and doing the fundamentals of what day-scheduling it, and making sure that we have a room for it, and make sure that we have a time'. Or if it's a retreat, making sure that we have a retreat center, that we pay the deposit. That we do everything, making sure that everything is in order before we start advertising it, and then once it rolling, then start getting kids to come.

Goeppner: And the organization is a very big part of it, I would assume that it would be difficult to do the job if you weren't on top of your stuff, and knew how to organize things. How important do you feel that it is to delegate the work that you have to do?

Gonzalez: Oh, I delegate all the time.

Goeppner: Otherwise it would get really overwhelming.

Gonzalez: I know that- I think that's the reason why a lot of the youth ministers have left is because it's just a tremendous amount of work. Like, you're working more than forty hours a week. And so, I have tried really hard to make sure that I'm not the one that's stuck doing all the work. For retreats I make sure that I have adults that are running all the meetings, that are doing everything, and I'm just kind of on the back end of everything, making sure that it's running smoothly, doing the administration work, making sure they have all the forms they need, all the papers they need, anything else. With Bible Study I made Karen and Theresa do it, and with Hands On Transfiguration, I don't do that, I have another adult that plans it, finds all the site works, and they just basically run everything and I'm kind o fin the back making sure that- I'm managing them, I'm a manager making sure that it's working out.

Goeppner: Did you get any advice from the previous youth ministers when you took the job?

Gonzalez: I talked to Erin a little bit about it, and Julia, and Greg didn't really help, just because he wasn't really organized. But just in college, everybody that I talked to about being in a job, in a career, they were just like, 'boundaries are really important, try not to work at home when you can, don't answer emails at home, just be and home and be there. Just try to be on top of everything, and if you have any questions, ask them. You're not expected to know everything'. And that's why I go to Joyce for everything. I want to make sure that I'm doing everything right. I would say that--. I forgot what I was going to say!

Goeppner: So, speaking of boundaries between home and work, literally separation of church and state- ooh, puns! I know, some people, including me, have a time when I'll stop answering emails, or stop working. For me it's eight o'clock, if you email me after then with anything- not many people are emailing me with important stuff anyways- but I won't check it after eight, and then I'll check it at eight in the morning. Do you have a time- because I know with your job it's important to be super connected to all the people, and you mentioned the kid texting you late at night- is there a time when you just disconnect?

Gonzalez: Usually for emails, if I'm at home I don't check them. Unless I really, really need to get work done. Like today I'm doing Making Disciples stuff, and I'm trying to make sure that I get everything planned so that way it's ready on Sunday. As far as texts and calls go, I don't usually answer them past ten o'clock, usually just because, nine I can handle, and usually it's just some random, dumb thing like, 'hey, look at this meme' or something. But if it's like- if it's an emergency and someone's calling or texting me then I'll answer it, but if it's not really important then I usually don't.

Goeppner: Do you have any advice for building trust and relationships inside an organization?

Gonzalez: With like the kids or with work?

Goeppner: The kids and with your pellow- with your fellow- people that you're working with?

Gonzalez: I feel like just being open and receptive to opinions and just criticism as well. Especially with people that you work with, they're going to be expecting you to basically know how to do your job as soon as you walk in the door, and you're not going to know how do to that. But they're going to tell you how to do things, and they might not tell you in the nicest well, but they mean well, so you've just got to be like, 'okay, got to do that'. And then just really getting to know that, and when they tell you to do something- like, 'oh, you need to get this in on time', then you trying doing that so that way they can do their job. Because one of my other jobs is getting the Bulletin done, and I have to get it done by a certain date, so that way the people that work on it can get it done before they have to submit it. And so if I get it done, they start trusting me more. And then with the kids it's more just being able to listen and being there for them. I think that's more willing for them to trust you.

Goeppner: So, not letting your ego get in the way as far as criticism goes, and being willing to adjust. Because a lot of the people here, like you said, have been here- I mean Joyce has been here for-

Gonzalez: Twenty years!

Goeppner: Yeah, and so, definitely the importance of learning what needs to change and what parts that they need to update their ideas on, but also what they know from their experience.

Gonzalez: Pride is a big thing, but you have to be like, 'it's not worth it'. You have to choose your battles and be like, 'well, no, whatever, it's fine. You yell at me, I don't really care'.

Goeppner: Okay, so one of the main focuses of ChrisTeen for the kids is empowering the students in it, empowering them to become leaders. How do you feel that you enable other people to come into their own as leaders?

Gonzalez: We try to teach them how to just lead other people. We'll be like, 'okay well, you're in charge of this meeting, it's your- you organize, you do everything. If you have any questions, come to me'. And then if anything isn't going right or if there needs to be something added I'll be like, 'okay, well you just need to do this', or like give suggestions as they're doing it. We also make sure that the are just organized and have and game plan and have an agenda maybe. We make them sometimes do the announcements at mass, or pray in front of people because people are never comfortable doing that. Or just trying to show that, through their actions, people are watching them, and that what they see is how they'll react. So, another thing that I tell the kids all the time is that the younger kids are watching to see what you'll do, and if they see you talking, they're going to talk because they think it's okay. And so, just trying to teach them that everything they do, people are watching them do.

Goeppner: To what extent do you think you lead by example- or to what extent do you think that that's picked up on?

Gonzalez: I don't know- I guess, I try during mass especially because everybody talks during it, I try to be paying attention, I try to sing my songs, and just really be present in mass, and I hope that the kids follow my example and they're like, 'oh, well Melissa's doing it, let me do it to'. Or if something is not going our way, like at NCYC we got stuck in the rain for an hour waiting to get dinner.

Goeppner: Yeah, I heard about that.

Gonzalez: Yeah, it was miserable, but I was just like, 'it's fine, we're good, we're going to get in' and I was just trying to keep a positive attitude even though it was just a terrible time, because as soon as I started cracking and started complaining about everything I knew everybody would be like, 'let's go home, I'm not having fun, let's just do this or whatever'. And so I think that helped to be like, 'we're in a bad situation right now but we can't really do anything about it'.

Goeppner: Because even subconsciously people will look to your attitudes and your reactions to things and sort of mirror it. So, really big picture question: what do you want your legacy to be? We can narrow it to in this job.

Gonzalez: I just want everybody to encounter Christ, so if I could at least get a couple of kids, I feel like my job is done. Just being able to have a relationship after high school and into college and just in their future they still go to mass, they still pray, they still believe in God. Just anything on that line, I feel like at least I've left that. People always are like, 'Melissa changed me, she helped- she really made an impact on my life'. And if I did that to at least one person, I feel like I did well.

Goeppner: And then, so, obviously I mean, you're never leaving this job, but if you were to at some point, what would you tell the next youth minister? Any advice or anecdotes?

Gonzalez: I would probably just say, take your time to learn about the kids, really get to know them and respect them, and once- if you respect them, they'll respect you. When you feel like you're overwhelmed and you can't take any more, just take a day off and go to Adoration and pray and just remember that you are doing God's work and things are going to get in the way, the Devil's going to get in the way, he's not going to want you to bring kids closer to God. And you just have to remember that and be able to push through and be able to do it.

Goeppner: Okay, well thank you so much for agreeing to be interviewed, this has been really great!

Gonzalez: It was fun, thanks!

Goeppner: Thank you!